Some Christmas Stories from Cheri!

Gave husband money to go Christmas shopping for me, but let me back up and say that $125.00 for us back about 20 years ago was quite a chunk of change for us, so I left him to challenge the Mall and see what wonderful goodies would await me on Christmas morning... I got a long night gown, OK good so far, but after many presents later that were from parents and siblings I had wondered how a night gown could cost $125.00. To my surprise, my hubby, decided to buy himself a gun, so all of my gifts ended up in his gun collection.

Another year just about everything he bought me was in camo, too bad that wasn’t the fashion that year. Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against a woman wearing camo but there has NEVER been a time that I have ever had the need to wear it. So suffice to say, my girls do his shopping for him and let him know what he owes them. Personally I think this was his plan all along so he could get out of going to the Mall.

Real or Fake?

The Husband and I got our Christmas Tree the other day. It's a live tree and he kept going on and on about how fresh it is. How the needles are all still soft.

He put it up and we decorated it.

The next day I asked: "Have you watered the tree yet?"

"No. I don't think it makes a difference."

Now we basically have a decorated, electrified tinder-waiting-to-happen in our family room.

Of course it doesn't matter! They just put that water receptacle in the base of the tree stand for looks!

HUSBANDS MASTERING A FOREIGN LANGUAGE....

On a trip to Germany back in 1970 we had the pleasure of staying at a fancy hotel in Munich....

The room up on the top floor had sloped ceilings a marble bath complete with

a telephone and a beautiful big glass top table...

Actually our room was up in the attic......but we were 20 and 21....What did we know.

After checking in the husband decided we needed some drinks and back in the

70's they didn't have soda machines down the hall.....

So in his best German he attempted to order room service...

He picks up the phone and this is what I hear.....

"I would like zwei Cola-Cola mit ice-n"

translation.....2 Cokes with ice.

why is it when people try to speak another language they tend to add

letters onto English words....

Have you ever heard anyone trying to speak Spanish....

the letter "O" usually gets added to the end of everything.....

Like this is going to make the poor person understand you better...

In this case Coca-Cola became Cola-Cola.....like a college cheer

and the letter "N" got added to ice.....

Room service guy shows up a few minutes later with 2 little glass coke bottles...

2 glasses of "ice-n"....on a tray and places it on the glass table.....

Gives us a look like we're two American nuts and leaves....

I'm hysterical by this point just from hearing Cola-Cola....

Husband picks up the Coke bottle and it promptly slides out of his hand....

Falling on the glass table and shattering the glass in a million pieces....

next morning we check out of the room and casually mention to the front desk clerk that the glass on the table broke and to please charge us on the bill for the damage....

He misunderstood us......thinking we broke "A" glass he added zwei dollars to the

bill.....Husband in his best English said....

Thank You......and we quickly departed out the front door.....

40 years later and we are still laughing at

"zwei Cola-Cola mit ice-n"....

Perception versus Reality

The baby asked for cold milk in a sippy cup. The Husband says: "The stuff in the dishwasher is clean." I think to myself, it's not clean. I didn't run it, but okay... I open the dishwasher and there are crumbs on the door and you can just tell that the stuff inside isn't clean.

The Husband tells me: "I got a sippy out of there this morning!"

Okay. I say: "It's not clean."

"But I got a sippy this morning."

Then I pull a plate out and show him a residual piece of old tuna fish.

He says: "But what I got was clean."

I'm thinking, okay, but the machine has dirty dishes in it, so therefore, whatever you pulled out of it had been used before and not washed.

I pick up a glass and say: "Look, this has lip-prints on it."

He counters with: "But what I got out was clean, you're showing me the wrong evidence."

Yes, because clearly, the machine was run and the only thing that got clean was the one thing you pulled out!

Stupid Things Other People's Husbands Do

I'm guessing it started off something like this:

"Honey, you've really got to do something about the leaves piling up outside."

(Which usually means, either put them in bags for the garbage men to take away, or find out when it's "leaf day" in your town, or mulch them... typically it does not mean what I saw on my way home today)....

There he was, somebody's husband, who had diligently folded down the seats in their Volvo wagon, covered the inside of the car with a blue tarp and was using a giant snow shovel to fill the car up with the leaves that were in a pile in front of his house.

Where exactly was he planning on taking them? Who knows!

I guess he should get points for knowing where a tarp was. Hmpf.

HUSBAND GOT AN ITCH?

TRY THIS............

And Sometimes Other People's Husbands Do Stupid Things Too....

Like the man who came to my garage sale yesterday and paid me a quarter for an old remote control.

I don't even know what it was for (old TV, VCR, air-conditioner? Who Knows?)

Likelihood that he owns the object that it's compatible for? Zero

Maybe he lost his remote at home and just wants to be able to sit around in his Lazy-Boy holding on to something. I'll leave it at that.